Not Yet - Part 3 of 3 (Fiction)

Allison had completely lost control of the whole "translator" role by now. With the astonished look on her face she asks; "You were in a plane crash"? She quickly relayed the message to the doctor who just laughed and shook it off. It was clear that he didn't believe.
     The laptop that had Allison on it was on a set of wheels, I removed it. I brought up google.com and typed "Plane crash US Air to Germany". A number of articles appeared immediately, the words; "no survivors" and "268 dead" jumped out at me. It also stated that the crash occurred 23 days ago, apparently the aircraft had landed in the ocean and they were still recovering items and searching for the black box. I showed the article to the doctor but he didn't understand.
     I told Allison, "Listen, I was on a red eye from the US to Germany exactly 23 days ago. The plane was going down and I jumped out with a parachute. Can you please contact like the US embassy or somebody like that? I just got out of a coma, and I would like to let people know I am alive".
She looked at me in complete and utter astonishment; "Listen, if you're fucking with me I'm going to get in a lot of trouble for this. There are HIPPA and privacy laws against this shit." I have to admit, she looked even more cute when she was serious.
    I looked at her with a very serious face and said; "Please help me. I don't know where I am."



The next few months were absolutely crazy. I worked with Universal to create an accurate film about my experience. There are a few good things and a few bad things that happened as a result of this escapade.

1 - I did get to appear on Letterman (It was during his final week of shows too, so it was very special)

2 - I tried to sue the airline for almost killing me. However, there is a funny thing about major airlines, they have a lot of $. Therefore, they attacked my cheap attorney with the best attorneys money could buy. Then, they countersued me on grounds that I caused the aircraft to lose cabin pressure and that all the deaths could have been my fault. What a joke. But then they proposed to drop their lawsuit if I dropped mine. (Of course they never recovered the black box. How convenient)

3 - I have never experienced anxiety since that day, I live only for today now. It is amazing to think that I was so terrified of death, and that the cure would lie in almost dying. I would recommend it to everybody. There is not a breath I take for granted.

4 - Allison and I hung out a few times. We actually met in person for the first time on the David letterman show. She was even more beautiful in person. A few weeks later, I confessed my love for her. I told her how I will always associate her face with survival and joy. She said that she needs time to let things blow over, (Prolly just an excuse, women never just say "no".) but Im holding onto hope.

5 - I never ended up getting that procedure done in Germany. How ironic that I make the trip to improve my health coupled with the series of events that would follow.

The moral of the story: We waste out entire lives daydreaming about future happiness. "One day my life will be, (Fill in the blank) and I will be happy then. No.......no you wont. Appreciate today for what it is, tomorrow may not even exist. There is so much to be thankful for. If you cannot find joy in today, what makes you think it will exist tomorrow?

Not Yet - Part 2 of 3 (Fiction)

We had run into heavy turbulence and were being shaken around violently. As I looked around, everybody already had concerned looks on their faces, everybody that is, except the stewardess. She was wearing a giant (fake) smile. Im sure that her very first lesson in; "How to be a stewardess", they teach you to always remain calm. Her facial expression only added to my anxiety. I quickly shuffled through my pockets for my xanax, I popped them and chewed them violently without anything to drink. I could feel my heart pounding out of my chest, I could feel the blood flushing through me so quickly that I tingled.
   
     Immediately another loud bang was followed by seeing carry-on luggage falling from above and a ringing noise in my ears. People were standing up and making hand movements towards the stewardess but I couldn't hear anything, I think I might have hit my head. An Asian woman was on her cell phone in front of me, she looked like she was screaming, a tear was falling down her cheek.
    My hearing came back suddenly and I felt a pain in the side of my head, coupled with a warm liquid on my ear. I touched it and seen blood. The sight of blood made the screaming reverberate somehow. Finally the captain came over the speaker and everybody got stone cold silent. He spoke in a calm yet shaky voice; "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Im sure you have noticed some turbulence. We have been experiencing some difficulties but everything will be fine. We may have to land a bit early and change planes, but you are not in danger".
    This announcement actually calmed me down a bit, it calmed everybody. However, moments later a man stood up and said; "Do you really think he would tell us if we were going to crash"?! Fuck, he had a good point. The shouting resumed. A man hollered back at him; "The captian said everything is fine idiot. Why are you trying to scare people"? They kept arguing but I just thought of my parachute. Despite having very shaky hands and limited space, I put the parachute on in less than a minute. The guy sitting next to me said; "What the fuck dude"? He had a very confused look on his face but I didn't care. The plane felt like it was just coasting and then it flipped completely to one side. People flopped around, the ones who were standing fell against the windows on the other side. Moments later the plane leveled back out and I decided that this was the moment of truth.
    I was just about to hit the levers on the door and jump into the night, taking my chances when the captain came over the loud speaker again. "Ladies and gentlemen, I have some bad news.....", that was all I heard. I immediately thrust both of the levers on the emergency exit and smashed into it as hard as I possibly could. That is the last thing I remember.


     When I woke up I felt an immense pain in my right leg and arm. I could not see anything and I couldn't move very much. It was hard to breath and it felt like I was stuck in a tree. Suddenly I passed out again. When I awoke this time the sun had begun to peak out and I could see. I was lodged inside a large bush, I could see a body of water about 300 yards away. It was still really hard to move, my right arm was in so much pain and it was stuck in the branches. I used my left arm to free my right arm from the brush, I was afraid to look at it. Luckily it looked fine, but it killed. Eventually I had made my way out of the bush but my right leg was definitely broken. I crawled for about an hour towards the beach before I passed out again from exhaustion.
    When I awoke I remember seeing a woman with wet hair and wearing a 2 piece suit. She was a thin brunette and she was holding a towel and screaming in what I thought was French. I could not understand what she was saying and I passed out again.
    The next time I awoke I was in a hospital bed with my entire body locked in place. I began hollering but nobody came. I closed my eyes and heard a noise about 10 minutes later, I opened my eyes and seen a cleaning lady. I hollered at her and she looked at me. She looked very shocked and then she ran out of the room. A doctor came into the room shortly there after with a nurse, but they didn't speak English. They were trying to find out what language I spoke or that they could get an interpreter. I remember the very first thing the doctor said to me was "Ca Va"? And I just looked at him in a sarcastic manner. "Look at me man"! The truth was, that I was so fucking ecstatic to be alive that I could have kissed them all. I told them; "I am American, and I speak English", I told them very slowly and sternly. The doctor nodded and left the room.


     I had a dream the previous night that I had landed in Atlantis, and that I had found the lost city. Everybody was trying to book me appearances on David Letterman, Conan, etc. Apparently, I was now the most famous man in the world. It has aloways been my dream to be on Letterman, so I was really pumped up. When I awoke I wondered what type of drugs they had been feeding me to make me have such an awesome dream.

     When the doctor came back into the room, he had a laptop computer and a video chat feed on it. There was a very pretty blonde woman who said to me; "Hi there, I am an interpreter from www.medicalinterpretor.com, how are you"?
"I am not very good, as you can imagine", I replied. As soon as I replied, she translated to the doctor.
He then asked her a question and she asked me; "How did you get to  Morgat if you are an American?"
"On an airplane of course", I responded. Just then it hit me that I had cut myself from the parachute, so they probably had no idea that I was an emergency skydiver. I chucked to myself. Never, ever, lose your sense of humor, it can provide a cure above all else. I was so grateful to be alive, that to my astonishment I wasn't even anxious. Anxiety had ruled my life for so long, but I felt none. Given the extreme circumstances, I should be drowning in it right now. How was I ok? Wait, was I ok? I hadn't even checked, was I missing ligaments?
I quickly asked for a mirror. The translator relayed the request to the doctor who was at first apprehernsive. His apprehension made me very uncomfortable slightly. Why were they hesitant? What wuld I see?
   When they handed me the mirror I was absolutely shocked. I never kept any facial hair whatsoever, and it looked like I hadn't shaved in a month. "Wait a minute, how long have I been here?! Where am I anyways? Morgat? Is that France? Where am I?" My mind began to race and the doctor ordered some type of sedative nto my I.V., it hit me instantly. I don't know what they gave me, but it made me feel really good.
   That translator was becoming more and more cute by the second. "Hey baby, did you know Im a celebrity?" She chuckled, I think she could tell the drugs were making me loopy. I began to ignore the doctor and just talk to her. "What's your name gorgeous"?
"Allison", she had such a sweet and genuine smile.
She continued; "I would really like to chat with you sir, but I need to do my job right now. What is your name even"? The face she made when she asked that question was very cute. I loved the way she spoke French, it was such a turn on. She was long, blonde, curly hair with bright blue eyes and rosy cheeks. She looked at me through the computer screen, but it felt like she looked straight into my heart.
    She asked the question again; "What is your name sir"? I was lost in those beautiful eyes, I didn't even know my name. I responded, "If I tell you my name will you marry me"? She smiled again and looked away from the screen. I could tell that she was trying to be professional.
"Hey, Im sorry baby. I know you are trying to do your job, its just hard for me. You are really pretty and I almost died. I jumped out of a plane that was crashing and I survived. I have no idea how long I've been in this hospital. Whats todays date? Can you tell them this please"?
     Her face look like she was a mixture of confusion and disbelief. I could tell that she thought I was either lying, crazy, or both. Regardless, the look on her face assured me that she was going to help me, and that everything was going to be ok.

Feeding Seagulls

    I was in a crumby mood today, so I got an idea to go walk on the beach and feed some birds. I stopped at the store and bought a large loaf of white bread and strolled onto the beach. When I first arrived I noticed 2 seagulls standing by the water, a large one and a smaller one. I opened my bag of bread, tore off a section and made it into a small snowball-like piece and tossed it towards them. The larger bird quickly flew over to it and devoured it. I broke off another piece and tossed it towards the smaller one, but again the larger one swooped in and took it. This happened about 4-5 times in a row, and so I decided to throw a piece far away so he would have to chase it and leave the smaller bird a window of time to get some for himself.
    As soon as I threw it, I heard some loud "shreeks" in the distance and seen a few other seagulls in the distance begin flying towards us. I again tossed a piece to the smaller bird. He was making his way over to it but he was again, he was afraid of the larger bird. The larger bird again swooped back over and gobbled it up. I began to get a bit agitated at this point.
     Suddenly, 3-4 other seagulls landed in front of the smaller bird and made a barricade. I could see dozens of seagulls now in the distance beginning their own pursuit. I quickly threw 3-4 large pieces of wadded up bread and they began to fly over towards it. Within seconds there were 20-30 birds flocking, some of them were flying directly over my head. More and more birds appeared seemingly out of no where, I began to get nervous. I quickly took out 3 slices at once and threw them all Frisbee style in the direction of the herd. It was an absolute frenzy.
     I could see dozens more still on their way to the feeding grounds. Again, I grabbed a handful of bread and threw it in their direction. They were attacking each other to get the bread, and were still surrounding me making me feel uncomfortable. I grabbed another handful of full slices and threw them until my bag was empty. I walked away from the beach towards the path and looked back. There were about 50 birds eating and I have to admit, I felt pretty accomplished. I felt like I had done something good.

     This good feeling brought me back to the store to buy another loaf. The friendly store clerk who had just sold me the previous loaf asked me; "What are you guys making"? I proudly and heroically told him; "I'm feeding the birds at the beach". He responded; "Hey, that's really nice of you Daniel, somebody has to feed those guys". Being that this is the south and everybody is friendly here, I am on a first name basis with the fella at the gas station, even though I just moved here. It was about to become very evident that I just moved here.
    
     When I arrived back on the beach, there was still a very large flocking of seagulls in the vicinity of the prior bread. As soon as they seen me they began stalking me. 30-40 seagulls were flying very close to my head and making me uncomfortable. I quickly realized that this was a very bad idea. As soon as I threw one piece of bread, about 60-70 birds were screeching and following me. All I wanted to do was to help these guys out, and now I was petrified. I was completely surrounded, and it was impossible to throw anymore bread. I began to run for a set of stairs and they swooped at me.
    I began thinking to myself; "You idiots, there is enough for all of you, let me help you! I know you are hungry, let me feed you". More and more birds were appearing by the second. I began running and the sand was filling up in my shoes. I realized that I was going to have to throw the bread and make a run for it. The bag of bread was inside the bag from the store. So I just took it out and threw the bag on the ground and ran. It was complete pandemonium. I felt bad that I had just littered on the beach, but I was honestly fearing for my own safety. I can laugh at myself now, but I was honestly nervous!
     When I got back onto the street I seen one seagull flying with a large piece of bread in his mouth and another one was hot on his trail and "screeching". The aggressor was taking shots at him until he dropped the bread and the other bird caught it in the air. Suddenly, I didn't feel like I had done a good thing anymore. All I was trying to do was to help them. But, instead, I got attacked and they were all trying to kill each other. It sort of reminded me of those crazy black Friday videos. It was at that very moment that I realized something, humans are not so different from the seagulls.

     It seems like whenever somebody tries to do something good, or charitable, the scavengers appear. It never takes long before the charitable deed turns into a free-for-all. Government assistance for example exists to assist the people who cannot afford to live. However, every year thousands of people are arrested for abusing it. Can you only imagine how many get away with it? How can you help people who abuse the help? It is very similar to, how can you feed the birds if they are attacking you?

     Our society is much like the flock of seagulls. The larger ones take all of the bread because they can. They might leave some scraps for the others, but that is only because their bellies are already full. Our culture exploits the "smaller birds" in order to fill their own pockets. When seagulls are hungry, they will cannibalize their own young. Today I suppose I learned a few things:

1 - Exploitation takes place along all levels of the food chain
2 - Sometimes you cannot help those who need help, because of the greed of others.
3 - Seagulls can be scary as a mother---ker.

Nate

     I lived in a crumby one-bedroom apartment by myself for 4 years. It was in a bad neighborhood and on the wrong side of town. Almost all of my neighbors were crazy, scummy, or both. Needless to say, I didn't associate with them, at all. I wasn't from the area so the only friends I had were people I knew from work.
     Anyways, one spring day I was sitting at my computer when my chair broke. It had been slowly falling apart for months and now it was simply trash. I didn't have any spares laying around so I decided to ask a neighbor if he wanted to sell one. I wasn't looking for anything fancy obviously, just something that would provide the necessary function. The neighbors were always sitting on their porch drinking beer, literally everyday. From what I had noticed in passing, they were certainly a motley crew. They were obviously all unemployed, alcoholics who lived off "the system".
     As I walked outside and approached them, they got quite. There were 3 of them who lived there. Nate was in his late 30's, really scruffy looking. His facial hair was always a disaster and he always had a 24oz Milwaukee Best Ice in his hand. I suppose you could call him "the leader". The second was an African American woman in her late 40's, her name is Lynette. She was slightly overweight with dark rings around her eyes. The final "character" was a tall, slender man named Larry. He is in his early 50's with glasses and large "day-laborer" looking hands. They were certainly a "motely" looking crew. I had walked by them a hundred times with my head down, trying not to make eye-contact. I had written them off in my head as "drunks" and/or drug-users the first day I seen them.

     Anyways, I walked next door to ask them if they had a chair for sale, when I looked at them and changed my mind. However, Nate said; "Hey man, you know, you can stop by and have a beer sometime". I told him I couldn't, I was on my way to the store, but I was glad me had broken the ice. I said; "Do any of you have a chair for sale by any chance? Like, a desk chair? Mine just broke". Larry quickly chimed in; "Yea, I live 2 houses down, come with me."
     He walked off the porch with his beer still in his hand and began to walk down the sidewalk. He extended his free hand and introduced himself. He said that he had just gotten evicted next door because he had been behind on rent. When we walked onto the porch, I quickly noticed a bunch of old furniture scattered all over. He said that this was all his stuff, and that the landlord had literally emptied his apartment onto the porch while he was at work painting a house earlier. I was sort of skeptical, how did I know this was really his stuff? However, he did have painters pants on and the furniture was really crumby for the most part. We were making a little more small talk when I seen a metal frame chair with white, leather padding. I remember thinking, "that one wont break". I said; "How much for this chair"? He looked at it; "I dunno, $3"? I said ok, and gave him a $10 bill because it was all I had. He said he could get me change and I told him to keep it. He asked me if I was interested in anything else because he had to get rid of everything since he had no home to put it in. I didn't need anything else, so I told him; "Thanks anyways".
     As I carried the chair back up to my house, Nate again invited me over for a beer. I told him I would drop off the chair, go to the store, and stop by. I mean, what could it hurt right? I didn't have any friends in town, and I didn't even know anybody in town except for my brother. Also, I was nosy, and I wanted to know about my neighbors....if they were as crazy as I had imagined I suppose.

     Over the next few weeks, I hung out with Nate 3-4 times, we actually had a lot of common interests. He was a basketball player and he liked to write music also. His house was pretty filthy, but that didn't seem to bother me, and it definitely didn't bother him. All he really cared about was drinking beer. He would sometimes text me and invite me over for a beer as early as 8am. I don't understand how people can physically drink beer all day, everyday.
    As the months passed, I learned more and more about Nate. And as I did, he seemed really normal and educated. He actually came from a really good family. His brother owned a few affluent businesses in town, and he often talked about how he used to own a successful painting business. I would usually stop by after work for 2 beers and then go home, make dinner, go to sleep, and then get up for work. I didn't understand how a person who seemed so normal could be literally drinking himself to death.
    Unfortunately, I have been around a lot of drunks in my life, and if Ive learned one time about them: they lie. As the months turned to years, my life changed from time-to-time, but his never did. He had told me a bunch of impossible stories over the years, but one had resonated with me. He told me how he had this successful painting business in Virginia making over $200k per year. He has also told me that he had a girlfriend for 12 years and that they were engaged to be married. It seemed like all of his stories would not equate to the drunk guy I seen everyday. So, one day I asked him how he got here. I knew how I had gotten to the crumby job and neighborhood, but this guy allegedly had it all. He was a great athlete (which he proved with a scrap book), he comes from a rich family (whom I had met), and he said he had this great business and that his fiancé was the love of his life. I looked him in his eyes one day and I asked him; "How did you get here then"?
     He went on to tell he a crazy story. Apparently, one night while living in a sky-rise apartment with his fiancé, a burglar broke in through the fire escape. The guy had a butchers knife to his girls neck and was punching her. He said that he had a gun in his bedroom but there was no time to go for it. He picked up a chair and smashed the guy over the head with it. Then, he went for the door and got in a fight with the guy who was trying to stop him from opening it. Luckily, the chair has caused the guy (who was much larger than him) to drop the knife. He had gotten the door open and the man began screaming for help. Some neighbors had come into the hallway to help. They were wrestling and ended up falling down some stairs and the police came. (This is of course the short version)

     Anyways, the guy used to work for Nate but he had to fire him because he was harassing women on the job. The police has arrested the man and found startling evidence back at his home. He had two giant coolers, and all the tools to dismantle their bodies. This disgruntled employee had planned on killing Nate and his girl, and then getting rid of the evidence.
     He said that the guy had gotten like 15 years in prison and something like 20 years supervision upon parole. However, his fiancé could never get over the incident. She couldn't sleep at night, she would wake up in sweats, and she was in constant fear. She went and seen countless specialists and was on medication but it didn't help. He said that over the next few years it had eventually ruined their relationship. Apparently, it had become too much for him to handle. He said that she ended up moving back in with her parents, and he was heart-broken. Nate was originally from the Jamestown area, so over time he had eventually gravitated back to where he knew.


     Lynette, I found out was Nates girlfriend. She was 45 and she reminded me of a lot of drug-addicts I had known from back home. Sure enough, I found out that she had a crack problem. Her and Nate would often fight because she would leave and be gone for days, weeks, or even months at a time. But eventually, she would end up back at the apartment. They all lived on government assistance, but they needed each other to pay rent still. Lynn was actually really book-smart and educated, she just drank everyday. She would have long spells where she would not use drugs and they would keep a ledger on a calendar....how any days she has not used.
     Lynn had been abused physically and sexually as a child. She would start a job, hold it down for a few months, and then disappear to use drugs. Their relationship was always a roller coaster because of this. Well, this and the fact that they drank every day. And, despite the fact that she had this issue, she was a homemaker still at heart. She did all the cooking and cleaning in the house. She did all the laundry, and she would always make the "beer-runs".

     Eventually, Larry had moved in with them. His grandmother always sent him money for rent each month. Apparently he had abused the government assistance at some point and been cut-off. He had also come from a good family, and he often talked about his 3 sons. They are all in college now or else just finishing up. Larry had been married for 20 years until his wife had left him for whatever reason. It might have been because of his drinking problem, or maybe because he had gotten into drugs, Im not sure. I know that she has since remarried.
     Larry used to be a family man, but now he lived a few hundred miles away and never sees his kids. He talked about them all the time when he was drinking, and he would brag about their accomplishments. I know that he had done like a year in jail for drugs a while back. He is actually a really, really, nice guy. Whenever he would talk to his kids on the phone he would be really sad after.

     So this was their "crew". They fought and argued with each other everyday. A lot of it was because of the fact that they drank beer all day every day, but they also didn't especially care for eachother. I have long wondered why they lived together, and I had always believed that it was just because of financial reasons.....it made sense. Lynn and Nate got government assistance to pay for the rent, utilities, and food. Then, Larry got cash each month to provide the beer and cigarettes. There wasn't any love in the household, but they made it work. And I always thought they made it work just because of financial reasons. Like I said, they didn't care for eachother, and they argued and called eachother names constantly. However, one day I realized.........

They were each social outcasts from their families. They didn't have any family to go home to, and so they were forced to live wherever. The common aspect that they shared was pain. They all were fighting their internal demons, the demons of the past, the demons that plagued their first thought every single morning. Their demons that they had no long term solution for, a solution that did not exist. Demons that they had learned to control only by drowning them in alcohol. An entire household, 3 lives filled with incurable pain. There will always be drugs and alcohol because there will always be pain. They are the leftovers from lives that once were and have been long forgotten. However, life goes on long after the heart loses its love. And what often remains is the shell of the person who is trying to get that monkey off their back.

I finally understood them, and I no longer looked down on them for being drunks. Nobody is, will be, or ever could be any better than anybody else. What we can do is decide to look at them as drunks or addicts, or we can find out why. And it is ONLY once we empathize and understand what an issue is before we can attempt to attack or cope with the problem. For some problems, there is no cure. I once heard a comedian say; "Alcoholism is the only disease you can get yelled at for having".