Nate

     I lived in a crumby one-bedroom apartment by myself for 4 years. It was in a bad neighborhood and on the wrong side of town. Almost all of my neighbors were crazy, scummy, or both. Needless to say, I didn't associate with them, at all. I wasn't from the area so the only friends I had were people I knew from work.
     Anyways, one spring day I was sitting at my computer when my chair broke. It had been slowly falling apart for months and now it was simply trash. I didn't have any spares laying around so I decided to ask a neighbor if he wanted to sell one. I wasn't looking for anything fancy obviously, just something that would provide the necessary function. The neighbors were always sitting on their porch drinking beer, literally everyday. From what I had noticed in passing, they were certainly a motley crew. They were obviously all unemployed, alcoholics who lived off "the system".
     As I walked outside and approached them, they got quite. There were 3 of them who lived there. Nate was in his late 30's, really scruffy looking. His facial hair was always a disaster and he always had a 24oz Milwaukee Best Ice in his hand. I suppose you could call him "the leader". The second was an African American woman in her late 40's, her name is Lynette. She was slightly overweight with dark rings around her eyes. The final "character" was a tall, slender man named Larry. He is in his early 50's with glasses and large "day-laborer" looking hands. They were certainly a "motely" looking crew. I had walked by them a hundred times with my head down, trying not to make eye-contact. I had written them off in my head as "drunks" and/or drug-users the first day I seen them.

     Anyways, I walked next door to ask them if they had a chair for sale, when I looked at them and changed my mind. However, Nate said; "Hey man, you know, you can stop by and have a beer sometime". I told him I couldn't, I was on my way to the store, but I was glad me had broken the ice. I said; "Do any of you have a chair for sale by any chance? Like, a desk chair? Mine just broke". Larry quickly chimed in; "Yea, I live 2 houses down, come with me."
     He walked off the porch with his beer still in his hand and began to walk down the sidewalk. He extended his free hand and introduced himself. He said that he had just gotten evicted next door because he had been behind on rent. When we walked onto the porch, I quickly noticed a bunch of old furniture scattered all over. He said that this was all his stuff, and that the landlord had literally emptied his apartment onto the porch while he was at work painting a house earlier. I was sort of skeptical, how did I know this was really his stuff? However, he did have painters pants on and the furniture was really crumby for the most part. We were making a little more small talk when I seen a metal frame chair with white, leather padding. I remember thinking, "that one wont break". I said; "How much for this chair"? He looked at it; "I dunno, $3"? I said ok, and gave him a $10 bill because it was all I had. He said he could get me change and I told him to keep it. He asked me if I was interested in anything else because he had to get rid of everything since he had no home to put it in. I didn't need anything else, so I told him; "Thanks anyways".
     As I carried the chair back up to my house, Nate again invited me over for a beer. I told him I would drop off the chair, go to the store, and stop by. I mean, what could it hurt right? I didn't have any friends in town, and I didn't even know anybody in town except for my brother. Also, I was nosy, and I wanted to know about my neighbors....if they were as crazy as I had imagined I suppose.

     Over the next few weeks, I hung out with Nate 3-4 times, we actually had a lot of common interests. He was a basketball player and he liked to write music also. His house was pretty filthy, but that didn't seem to bother me, and it definitely didn't bother him. All he really cared about was drinking beer. He would sometimes text me and invite me over for a beer as early as 8am. I don't understand how people can physically drink beer all day, everyday.
    As the months passed, I learned more and more about Nate. And as I did, he seemed really normal and educated. He actually came from a really good family. His brother owned a few affluent businesses in town, and he often talked about how he used to own a successful painting business. I would usually stop by after work for 2 beers and then go home, make dinner, go to sleep, and then get up for work. I didn't understand how a person who seemed so normal could be literally drinking himself to death.
    Unfortunately, I have been around a lot of drunks in my life, and if Ive learned one time about them: they lie. As the months turned to years, my life changed from time-to-time, but his never did. He had told me a bunch of impossible stories over the years, but one had resonated with me. He told me how he had this successful painting business in Virginia making over $200k per year. He has also told me that he had a girlfriend for 12 years and that they were engaged to be married. It seemed like all of his stories would not equate to the drunk guy I seen everyday. So, one day I asked him how he got here. I knew how I had gotten to the crumby job and neighborhood, but this guy allegedly had it all. He was a great athlete (which he proved with a scrap book), he comes from a rich family (whom I had met), and he said he had this great business and that his fiancé was the love of his life. I looked him in his eyes one day and I asked him; "How did you get here then"?
     He went on to tell he a crazy story. Apparently, one night while living in a sky-rise apartment with his fiancé, a burglar broke in through the fire escape. The guy had a butchers knife to his girls neck and was punching her. He said that he had a gun in his bedroom but there was no time to go for it. He picked up a chair and smashed the guy over the head with it. Then, he went for the door and got in a fight with the guy who was trying to stop him from opening it. Luckily, the chair has caused the guy (who was much larger than him) to drop the knife. He had gotten the door open and the man began screaming for help. Some neighbors had come into the hallway to help. They were wrestling and ended up falling down some stairs and the police came. (This is of course the short version)

     Anyways, the guy used to work for Nate but he had to fire him because he was harassing women on the job. The police has arrested the man and found startling evidence back at his home. He had two giant coolers, and all the tools to dismantle their bodies. This disgruntled employee had planned on killing Nate and his girl, and then getting rid of the evidence.
     He said that the guy had gotten like 15 years in prison and something like 20 years supervision upon parole. However, his fiancé could never get over the incident. She couldn't sleep at night, she would wake up in sweats, and she was in constant fear. She went and seen countless specialists and was on medication but it didn't help. He said that over the next few years it had eventually ruined their relationship. Apparently, it had become too much for him to handle. He said that she ended up moving back in with her parents, and he was heart-broken. Nate was originally from the Jamestown area, so over time he had eventually gravitated back to where he knew.


     Lynette, I found out was Nates girlfriend. She was 45 and she reminded me of a lot of drug-addicts I had known from back home. Sure enough, I found out that she had a crack problem. Her and Nate would often fight because she would leave and be gone for days, weeks, or even months at a time. But eventually, she would end up back at the apartment. They all lived on government assistance, but they needed each other to pay rent still. Lynn was actually really book-smart and educated, she just drank everyday. She would have long spells where she would not use drugs and they would keep a ledger on a calendar....how any days she has not used.
     Lynn had been abused physically and sexually as a child. She would start a job, hold it down for a few months, and then disappear to use drugs. Their relationship was always a roller coaster because of this. Well, this and the fact that they drank every day. And, despite the fact that she had this issue, she was a homemaker still at heart. She did all the cooking and cleaning in the house. She did all the laundry, and she would always make the "beer-runs".

     Eventually, Larry had moved in with them. His grandmother always sent him money for rent each month. Apparently he had abused the government assistance at some point and been cut-off. He had also come from a good family, and he often talked about his 3 sons. They are all in college now or else just finishing up. Larry had been married for 20 years until his wife had left him for whatever reason. It might have been because of his drinking problem, or maybe because he had gotten into drugs, Im not sure. I know that she has since remarried.
     Larry used to be a family man, but now he lived a few hundred miles away and never sees his kids. He talked about them all the time when he was drinking, and he would brag about their accomplishments. I know that he had done like a year in jail for drugs a while back. He is actually a really, really, nice guy. Whenever he would talk to his kids on the phone he would be really sad after.

     So this was their "crew". They fought and argued with each other everyday. A lot of it was because of the fact that they drank beer all day every day, but they also didn't especially care for eachother. I have long wondered why they lived together, and I had always believed that it was just because of financial reasons.....it made sense. Lynn and Nate got government assistance to pay for the rent, utilities, and food. Then, Larry got cash each month to provide the beer and cigarettes. There wasn't any love in the household, but they made it work. And I always thought they made it work just because of financial reasons. Like I said, they didn't care for eachother, and they argued and called eachother names constantly. However, one day I realized.........

They were each social outcasts from their families. They didn't have any family to go home to, and so they were forced to live wherever. The common aspect that they shared was pain. They all were fighting their internal demons, the demons of the past, the demons that plagued their first thought every single morning. Their demons that they had no long term solution for, a solution that did not exist. Demons that they had learned to control only by drowning them in alcohol. An entire household, 3 lives filled with incurable pain. There will always be drugs and alcohol because there will always be pain. They are the leftovers from lives that once were and have been long forgotten. However, life goes on long after the heart loses its love. And what often remains is the shell of the person who is trying to get that monkey off their back.

I finally understood them, and I no longer looked down on them for being drunks. Nobody is, will be, or ever could be any better than anybody else. What we can do is decide to look at them as drunks or addicts, or we can find out why. And it is ONLY once we empathize and understand what an issue is before we can attempt to attack or cope with the problem. For some problems, there is no cure. I once heard a comedian say; "Alcoholism is the only disease you can get yelled at for having".