I started recollecting on all of these fond memories of my old pal Blueberry. So many countless nights we spent on the phone together all those years ago. It had been over 8 years since I first chatted with Blueberry, but I still remembered everything so vividly. We used to listen to the radio together when we were bored, our local stations were always playing the same set of new songs on a regular basis. She was a huge fan of the backstreet boys and had a huge crush on Nick Carter. She talked about him all the time back then. She was also a huge fan of the Goo Goo Dolls. "Iris" was a really popular song back then and we both loved it. And I know it might sound corny, but that was "our" song. To this day I can still remember listening to it on the phone with her, over and over.
Anyways, as soon as we hit the freeway I began to give Rob a brief synopsis of Blueberry and our relationship. I didn't go into much detail, I just told him that she text me and said she was out with some friends in Buffalo. He thought I was crazy. Shit, so did I.
A few minutes later I received another text from Blueberry. She said that her and her friends were out drinking at the bar of the Ramada Inn. I had Rob google search for the "Ramada Inn of Buffalo" on his phone in order to get directions. But again, my mind began to drift.
I thought about the time that I had went to her house, and watching "Dirty Dancing". I was just about to tell Rob about the whole story when something insane happened. Now, you wouldn't believe it but at that very moment I heard something very familiar in the air. I turned up my radio, and the song "Iris" was playing. Goosebumps quickly spread all over my body, but with a tingling sensation that is difficult to explain. I cranked that shit up as loud as it could go. I had a brand new car and the factory speakers were surprisingly clear. It was the first time that I had actually flexed them out.
I didn't explain the coincidence to Rob however, he would have definitely called me a "crazy idiot", or made fun of me. I later found out that the Goo Goo Dolls are actually from Buffalo, which was oddly enough where we were headed.
Anyways, about an hour later I received another text; "Where are you"? It was a reasonable question, after all, I'm sure she assumed I was in Buffalo to begin with. I didn't tell her that I was out of town and racing back just to see her. I didn't want to seem like a crazy idiot, even though I might have been one. Rob said that we should be there in 10 minutes according to his directions. And so I text her back; "Be there in 10".
When we arrived at the Ramada I was still in control of my emotions and super excited! But when we walked in, I didn't see any bar. I asked the woman at the counter and she said that they didn't have a bar. After some more questioning, we learned that it was the Ramada on the complete other side of the city that had a bar. I was really flustered at this point. Here I was, all ready for the moment of truth, and it was all for not. Well, not yet anyways. We got directions to the other Ramada and set back out on our journey.
Blueberry kept texting me; "I thought you were coming :(". I told her that we had gotten lost but that we would be there shortly. I didn't get any reply back.
When we finally arrived at the correct Ramada, it had been almost 2 and a half hrs since I received her initial text when I was in Fredonia. We quickly got out of the car and headed towards the main entrance. On our way in we seen a group of girls walking through the parking lot. One of them looked like Blueberry! "Hey", I exclaimed. The one who looked like Blueberry made a rude gesture back towards me and they kept walking. "That couldn't have been her", I said to Rob. "She would never have done that".
We walked into the bar and it looked almost completely empty. I pulled out my phone and text the word "here". We did a quick lap around the bar just to make sure and then hustled back outside. The girls we had seen were gone too. I was fucking heartbroken. Here we were, making this epic trek in the wee hours and it had all went awry!
Just as we were heading back towards my car, an SUV pulled up aside us. And there, in the front passenger seat with the window rolled down, sat Blueberry. "Hey", she said. I took a deep breath and swallowed, "Hi".
Suddenly the door swung open, she hopped out, ran and jumped into my arms. It was the greatest moment of my life. I promise you, that in that moment, I was invincible. It felt like I could have flown straight up into the sky like superman holding Lois Lane. If I live to be 1,000 years old, nothing could ever compare to that moment in time.
Anyways, after that she explained that they had driven from Syracuse earlier and been out for a while already. They were leaving and going to sleep at a friends house. But, she said that they were going out to a club tomorrow night and for us to meet them there. We agreed and said our good-byes.
When I got back into the car with Rob, I remember him being pissed off. "We just drove all over the place for fucking nothing?" Its funny how something can seem like nothing to one person, but mean everything to somebody else.
The next day, Blueberry was texting me off the hook. She was making sure that we were going to meet up later at the club. I assured her that we would be there with bells on.
When we arrived at the club that night, the very first person I seen was Blueberry. She was with a friend outside of the club chatting with a bouncer. We went into the club and had some drinks. It was so loud and crowded in there that it took 15 minutes to order a drink, so we got a few. Rob and I separated from them for a bit and scoped out the club. Again, a lot of the time I spent with her that night is a blur. Plus, I was not trying to smother her, even with the drinks were flowing. It was very surreal to be with her. All I wanted was to get a chance to talk to her alone, if even for a minute. The music was so loud that all communication equated to shouting in her ear. At one point, she took me by the hand to go and find her friend. It was like touching an angel. I didn't want her to ever let go.
We had a really fun time that night, drinking and just bullshitting. About 3 hours later when her and her friends got ready to go, I was really sad. When we said our "Goodbyes", it felt like I would never see her again.
I never seen her again.
Our conversations increased for a while after that night, but then we again faded away into the abyss which is our lives. Her dad got diagnosed with ALS a few years later, and eventually passed away. I know how close she was with him. It really hurt me deeply when she told me about it. I really wish I could have been there for her. I wanted to so bad. But, she had a boyfriend. Girls like Blueberry always have a boyfriend. The prime cuts of beef never stay on the shelves for too long. She got married a few years ago.
We still chat here and there. Sometimes she seems really happy, but most of the time she seems sad. She says that whenever I contact her out of the blue, it is somehow always when she is having a bad day and needs a good friend to chat with. She says that I must have some magical ability to sense when she is struggling. But honestly, I don't believe any of that. I think she might be a bit of a drama queen, but a queen nonetheless.
I have always been very discreet with discussing my relationship with Blueberry. In fact, only a couple of my close friends even know she exists. It took me quite a while to realize why I never wanted to tell my friends about her. For a long time I thought it was because I was ashamed of the method in which we met. But eventually, I realized that the reason I never really told anybody about her was because it always makes me sad. I'm not sad because she got married, I'm sad that she never
got to know the real me.
My reason for telling this story is the same reason I have for telling all of my stories. For one, my friends have always been really intrigued by my stories, and especially my meticulous recollection of details. But my main purpose, is that I am hoping this outlet will provide a sense of comfort.
People often carry their pasts around with them like luggage. We often allow it to influence our present and our future. I will not allow it to. I am hoping that my 'release' of my stories will allow me to finally put it all behind me. It took me such a long time to realize the truth. It has never been Blueberry whom I have been in love with, it was always the fantasy of her. And I spent a large chunk of my life feeling like I wasn't good enough for the girl of my dreams, when in fact, she never even was.
The girl of my dreams is one who truly believes that I am the best thing going. And anybody who settles for anything less than that, is an absolute fool.
Sometimes it seems like she is a ghost who is still alive, or just some imaginary character created by the rampant mind of a very imaginative kid. After all, I have only actually been with her twice. And yet, for some reason it seems like that is impossible.
So as I close this chapter in my life, I do so in both the literal and the figurative sense. I once read that blueberries are supposed to be very healthy for your brain. But all they have ever done for mine is drive it crazy.
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