Perfect Pitch-Fork

     I have been writing, recording, and producing alternative hip-hop music since the end of 1999. My friend Kong was the one who had originally got me interested in it. He has always loved to sing and has a great voice for it. Ever since we were little, we would always rap and sing songs together. I remember in the summers during elementary school he would stay at my house sometimes for 3-4 days at a time. At night we would sometimes write and sing funny songs. We still remember most of them still to this day. As we got older we would usually get together and have a few drinks and sing songs. He has always done an amazing rendition of "Sukiyaki", so people would egg him on to sing it.
     One day he was messing around with Microsoft windows "sound recorder". We recorded ourselves singing and rapping some old songs we had written when we were in elementary school. It was just something we had fooled around with a couple times when we were bored and drinking.
However, as the years passed I began to get really involved in it. Kong had downloaded some professional music recording software on my computer and I had began writing songs. I was not very educated at using the software to produce any professional grade songs, but it didn't stop me from trying. Over the years I became more and more involved in it. The song writing aspect of it has always been my forte, and the more and more I worked at it I eventually became pretty good.
     Anyways, In the summer of 2003 I was living with my brother Ian in the apartment below my mothers house. She hated hearing the music all the time, but she learned to accept it after a while.
This one night I was at home hanging out with Kong, we were having a few beers and working on a song. My brother was out of town working for the weekend so we had the place to ourselves. I remember that the song we were working on was coming along beautifully when a knock came at the door. It was Ian's friend Larry.
     Ian and Larry had been close friends ever since they were very young. I explained to him that Ian was out of town and that Kong and I were busy working on a song. He asked if we would mind if he hung out for a little while. A few years before he had moved out into the boondocks of Pennsylvania with his mother. Occassionally on the weekends he would come into town to hang out with friends and go out to the bars. Larry said that he wouldn't bother us and that he wasn't planning on staying long. He said that he was planning on going out to the bars and just needed a place to "pre-game". I told him it was fine as long as he didn't bother us. We were in the process of recording, so it was very important that we have silence so that any background noises didn't ruin our song. He had kept to his word and everything was going fine.
    About a half hour later, another one of Ian's friends; Ron had showed up. Ron had a tendency of being a jerk. He is one of those guys who is cool, but once he gets drunk he likes to start fights with people. I told him that Ian is not home and that we were busy. He noticed that Larry was there and he started talking to him. They made plans to go out to the bar together in a little while. Somehow, Ron convinced me to let him in too since they would be leaving soon. I told them that they had to hang out in the kitchen because Kong and I were recording in the living room. They ended up drinking a few beers and getting loud. I told them that they have to leave. They finished their beers and left for the bars.
     Kong and I continued to work on our song for another few hours. We were just about finished with the song when Larry and Ron returned. I told them that they "cannot hang out here". But they pleaded with me, and promised that they would just hang out in the kitchen and be quiet. I told them that I didn't care, I didn't want them there. But they just wouldn't leave and they kept pleading with me. So eventually, I again caved in. But I told them, if they are loud at all I am going to kick them out.
     It didn't take long before I could hear Ron and Larry arguing in the kitchen. I didn't know what they were arguing about at first, but it escalated quickly. I went into the kitchen and told them to "get out of my house now". Ron was drunk and very upset at Larry. I found out that apparently, Larry had marijuana and Ron was mad that Larry would not share with him. He called Larry; "A selfish piece if shit" and told him that he would "beat his ass". I told them that I don't care about any of that and that I just want them both to leave now! But Ron wasn't even listening to me, he was just arguing with Larry still and trying to start a fight with him. I started to get very angry and threatened to call the police.
     Finally, Ron exploded verbally. He said; "Fuck you Larry, you're a fucking faggot. You're lucky I don't fuck you up". Then, as he was heading out the door he stopped to address Kong and I. "And fuck you too Dan, and you too Kong! You guys are fucking pussies. I'll fuck you guys up too"! Then he walked out the door and slammed it behind him.
     Now, up to this point I had been calm about the whole situation. I knew they were taking advantage of me by using my house as a place to drink, but I had let it go. However, after Ron had threatened Kong and I for absolutely no reason, my blood began to boil. I couldn't believe what had just happened. I looked at Kong and I said; "Did he just call us pussies and say he would fuck us up"?! Kong looked really worked up and he goes "Yea what the fuck"!?
    I said "Fuck that", and I jumped up absolutely infuriated. I hurried out the door, and for some reason I grabbed a broom that was leaning up against the wall on my way out. When I got out front of the house I seen Ron, he was about half way up the street. Suddenly, I seen one of the funniest things I have ever seen in my entire life. I see Kong go jogging past me holding a pitchfork in his hand, and he hollers; "Hey Ron, come here! I gotta tell you something"!
    
     On the back porch of my apartment, there was a whole bunch of old farming tools for some reason. There was a few old shovels, rakes, hoes, and a pitchfork. Apparently, Kong had seen me grab the broom and so he went and grabbed the first thing he could find. To this day I couldn't tell you why I grabbed the broom. I think it was just because I was so pissed off at the whole situation. First of all, I told them that I didn't want them there numerous times. Secondly, they promised to be quiet and that they wouldn't bother us. But the final straw, was when he threatened my friend and I for absolutely no reason. I was so angry that I was shaking.

     Anyways, Ron stopped and faced us when he seen us coming towards him. He says; "What are you pussies gonna do? Is that broom, Dan? HAHA, you don't have the balls to hit me with that". The moment he said that I cocked it back and blasted him across the face with it as hard as I possibly could. He immediately went down onto one knee holding his face. "Ahhhhhhhh" he yelped. "You're going to fucking jail man! I can't believe you just did that!" he hollered fearfully with tears in his eyes. This seemed to just infuriate me more. I went towards him "You want me to hit you again?!"I said. He screeched; "Nooooo" and then scurried away quickly.
     I turned and started walking back towards my house, I couldn't believe what I had just done. Kong goes; "Fuck Ron man, he totally deserved that shit". As we were walking back towards the house I seen Larry. He had come outside and apparently witnessed the whole thing. He goes; "Dude, that was the greatest thing I ever seen in my life". Needless to say, Larry never really cared for Ron. I said; "All we wanted to do was work on our music, why did you guys have to bother us?"

     Anyways, about a half hour later the cops showed up at my apartment.

Cops: Who hit the guy with the broom

Me: I hit him with the broom

Cops: Why?

Me: Because he threatened me and my friend. I told him I didn't want him here in the first place!

Cops: Well then why was he here?

Me: Because he wouldn't listen.

Cops: Is that why the fight started?

Me: No, the fight started because the two of them showed up uninvited. And then Ron wanted to fight Larry because he wouldn't smoke weed with him.

     The cops immediately attacked Larry and I could hear him hollering, "Why are you searching me? I didn't do anything"! They quickly locate the marijuana on him and place it on the table. Then they turn their attention back to me for the rest of the story.

Cops: So then why did you hit him with the Broom?

Me: Because he threatened my friend and I for no reason.....

Suddenly, we heard a loud commotion coming from the kitchen and the cops went running in. Larry had picked up the marijuana, ran to the bathroom, threw it in the toilet and flushed it. One of the cops grabbed it out of the toilet before it flushed and the other one grabbed Larry in a very tight choke hold. They carried Larry out of my apartment horizontally and took him jail. Kong and I were waiting for the cops to come back in...but for some reason they never did. We were absolutely astonished. After about a half hour had passed, we went back to work and finally finished our song.

It was such a crazy night. However, looking back on the incident I am very lucky and thankful. First of all, I am very lucky that I didn't get an assault charge on my record. But secondly, I am very happy that Kong didn't attack Ron with that pitchfork. He was certainly angry enough to have used it, but we're lucky he didn't. Things could have ended up far worse than they actually did. In the end I think that Kong was pretty shaken up by the incident. The "pitch" in his voice ended up being a little shaky on that song.



D Boone Productions
www.soundclick.com/dboone